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Archive for March, 2007

4th is over…and Fundraising Pitch for Team Sabita

Thursday, March 22nd, 2007

I had my fourth chemo today (2 more to go…I’m running downhill now!). I just came back home and I still feel OK. Dr. Faith changed my medications once again to help me with nausea and this time I have all that can possibly be taken, I should be ok. I accidentally took double dose of one medication because they gave me the generic refill of one that I was already taking, and I thought it was a new one to take in addition to the old ones…Fortunately I checked on the National Comprehensive Cancer Network guidelines and I haven’t surpassed the maximum amount advised per day so I should be ok. A slight nausea feeling is creeping up, especially in the form of increased sensitivity to odors, perfumes, non-food smells. I have to stay away from soaps, body lotion, body washes, shampoos (not that I know what shampoos are for these days), candles, deodorants, even my favorite perfume bugs me. BUT…although everybody had told me that I would be sensitive to food smells, those don’t bother me, quite the opposite! The first time I had chemo I even had better sense of smell and taste than before. Now my sense of taste is not as heightened, but appetite, aside of those first three-four days has not abated, mouth sores are kept at a minimum, constipation seems to be under control with laxatives (TMI, would you say?), my blood count is close to normal (I have to give myself shots to keep white blood cells at normal levels), I am keeping a good weight (maybe a couple of pounds heavier than before mastectomy, but that maybe increased muscle weight, from all the swimming and walking). Swimming is a God-send: the feeling and sound of water all around you is very soothing, I don’t feel any pain when I’m in it. Even when I cramp from laxatives, the moment my body hits the water it’s like I’m in my mother’s womb again. And then I have started training and walk on the beach, which is so healing in itself. I have signed up for the 3-Day Walk, a 60 mile walk over three days around San Diego, whose proceeds will go to Komen For The Cure and the National Philantropic Trust, two organizations that are devoted to fund research to end breast cancer and to provide advocacy, education, information and some level of breast care to underserved communities in the US and abroad. Bruce and two of our girlfriends are going to do this walk in November, and we have to raise 2,200 hundred dollars each as a condition of our participation, so I guess that this entry could be my call to you, my friends, for you to help us out and donate what you can to a good cause. You can find our team page at http://sabita.longbeachit.com. You can donate to any one of our team members and your donation is tax deductible to the extent allowed by law. If you prefer, you can join our team and walk with us. It will be a great experience and give a whole new deeper meaning to our friendship. Some of you have had the idea of coming down to San Diego the last day of the walk (Nov. 11th) bringing Sandro with them and let him walk the last yards to cross the finish line with us and take pictures, cheer and then hit the bars! You can do any or all of these things, but the important thing is that you help us in the fight against breast cancer. Thank you in advance!

My Politically Ba(o)ld Statements

Tuesday, March 20th, 2007

I have usually made it a practice to never say never, but shortly after I was diagnosed I went around saying that I would never wear a wig. I should have stuck to my very wise practice. Evelyn (who has what I call a wig fetish – no sex pun intended….really!) bought me a cute blond wig and I have indeed enjoyed it so much that the other day I bought myself another, this time bright red! I don’t have a picture of myself with the red wig, but will get one soon. In the meantime, here’s one of me being blond and one of me beingMembers of Team Sabita bald. I take my wearing a wig, a scarf, a baseball cap, or any sort of decoration to my head (or leaving it as chemo wants it) as a political statement: that however a woman decides to wear her bald head is a decision fruit of the circumstances of her life and the environment she is surrounded by. I think that no one but her has to feel comfortable with the way she looks (though I know, I ***know***, how uncomfortable people’s stares can feel on your skin and how unnerving can people’s “suggestions” on what you should wear and how can be). I believe that part of the fun is keeping your head straight and high in the face of the public gaze. So I wear my wigs (or not) and a smile, when I can.

Members of Team SabitaBlond Wig

Sickness is Boring

Tuesday, March 6th, 2007

The worst part of being sick is that it is really, but really, I do mean really, boring. You feel too sick to do anything you like; reading, watching tv, cooking, swimming, walking, enjoying the sun are out of your league, but then when you have nothing to do it is not like you enjoy resting either. After getting all the sleep you ever thought you could possibly get, there’s nothing but watching the flies on the wall, contemplating the spiderweb around your window curtains and just feeling plain sorry for yourself. Which is pretty dull, if you ask me. I can now appreciate how people who are sick a lot do not seem to be very interesting….we aren’t! But there isn’t a damn thing we can do about it, at least not while we are feeling sick. Only when the sickness gives us some respite, can we start feeling our normal selves again, whatever that is. I think the boredom is the part I like least of being sick. I can deal with physical pain all right (though nausea sucks!), but it’s the overall malaise that prevents you from even appreciating small pleasures that is truly debilitating. I have nightmares and panic attacks now that somehow I haven’t seen the end of this, that somewhere down the road I will have to go through this again and I honestly don’t know that I can do it. I admire and fear people I know and those whom I don’t know who have gone through it, through this kind of dull micro(or macro)agony and keep going. I admire them for their strength and courage. I fear the possibility of having to become one of them. But today I feel fine and that’s all that matters.