Catia Bitching Cancer

Serena and I were discussing reconstruction options. Serena will be the one who goes with me to see the plastic surgeons. I found it very therapeutic to talk about how to proceed with making a new breast-like limb after mastectomy. I have already talked about the different techniques of breast reconstruction; my preferences have been going back and forth between flap and implant reconstruction. My surgeon and Francesca tell me that flap reconstruction produces in general very realistic results. But I do mind the scarring and the limitation of movement. Serena was showing me some of her friends’ new boobs and we’ve been looking at pictures on the web (what if W is watching our searches? Some subversives + perv lesbians!!!) Granted, her friends’ were esthetic breast augmentations. But reconstruction picts on the web didn’t look half bad either (more scars, obviously fake nipple and aureola, but not bad overall). OK, I will have big round twenty-year-old boobs, but hey, who am I to complain? Because I am certainly going to have to match the two boobs, hence do something with my right breast too. I think I’ll go with implants, though I’ll say the final word after consultation with a couple of plastic surgeons.

So, after spending an afternoon talking of and looking at boob jobs I ended up not thinking about cancer, and getting a few laughs in as well. That was marvelous! I wonder sometimes if I could muster up the courage to not have a reconstruction. I admire women who choose not to. My surgeon is among them. But every time I look in the mirror and see my left breast, as droopy as a forty-one year old breastfeeder can be, it simply seem so unreal that soon it won’t be there. And while I can’t wait to have the cancer removed, I also want to savor these last days with my body intact and seemingly healthy, give or take a few aches.

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