Catia Bitching Cancer

Yesterday I was put under for the first time in my life. To tell the truth I was somewhat worried that I would wake up in the middle of my sentinel node biopsy. Being the direct person I am I actually asked the anesthesiologist what would they do if a patient woke up in the middle of a procedure. He calmly replied that when that happens they strike the patient with a hammer and, should the patient complain, they strike again. When the patient stops complaining, then they know s/he is asleep. Then he gave me the real reply: it had never happened to him, it happens in 1 out of 100,000 cases, and they know when it’s happening through the monitors before the patient knows. But I am jumping ahead. Before talking with the anesthesiologist I was in a crammed, unhospitable hospital room for about an hour. I was then moved to the nuclear medicine department where the Ukrainian McDreamy radiologist that performed my first biopsy injected my areola in four different locations with radioactive liquid. That the liquid was radioactive and came in a sealed, heavy container was bad enough. But then he also stuck that needle in my breast without anesthesia… O-U-C-H. Fortunately it didn’t last very long and he was so nice as to sound out each needle sting as he finished…one done, two done, three done, four done! Then I waited around another 15 minutes or so, laying on the metal bed under the machine that was later to scan me and take a picture of the route the radioactive liquid was taking. I had the prayer shawl that the women of my church had made for me: feminist purple, very soft, made in a three-stitch pattern representing the Trinity, each stitch a prayer. I spread it over me to keep myself warm in that cold room. In my hand a feng-shui amulet one of my friends gave me at the boob-party; all the other gifts in my hospital bag waiting for me in my room. I took almost all of the gifts with me, and those I couldn’t take I took the cards that accompanied them. So as I was laying under the shawl and holding the amulet I visualized my women friends laying their hands on me, then I visualized the men I love laying their hands on me (Sandro’s waving blond head hovering over all of them)…and I promptly fell asleep until the radiologist woke me up. I had to let go of the shawl and amulets and gifts when I was taken to the pre-op room and hooked up to all the machines and asked questions by nurses and doctors, but that was a short time. My surgeon also came to see me, answered some more questions, and told me that she and the young plastic surgeon decided on a Nov. 3rd mastectomy with reconstruction. Then I fell asleep, this time as a result of the sedative that was being pumped into my body.

Next thing I knew I woke up with a pounding pain in my armpit, told the nurse, who (they all seemed to have a sense of humor) told me she was going to give me soda (she meant morphin). I don’t do very well on drugs. Or should I say, I do very well. I guess it depends on the point of view. I become very chatty (yes, chattier than usual), very indiscrete (yes, more indiscrete than usual), and very nosy (yes, nosier than usual). I guess Catia to the n-th degree, if you can only imagine it. But it’s fun. I don’t know what I told the attending nurse, but I remember seeing a nurse in distress and asking if she was ok…I think they were surprised those were my first words. When they brought me into the hospital room where Serena and Bruce were waiting, one of the first things I asked Serena was whether the City of Long Beach guy that checks the pilot light in your house heating system had gone to her house and if everything was ok there. Then I fell asleep again. I drifted in and out of sleep for several hours afterwards. I remember sipping cold water and vomiting it out warm a few minutes later (no real nausea, just a little, more of a sensation that I couldn’t send anything down the stomach). I remember pulling my pants up. I remember walking to my car. I remember tossing myself into my bed. Serena and Carlo cooked for Bruce. Sandro stayed at Kristin and Mark’s for a sleepover. I woke up at 1:30 am and called my sisters, drank a cup of water, went back to sleep. I woke up several times and went back to sleep, until 8 am, when I finally got up and got dressed.

The bandage looks like nothing really, I can see a 2-in. scar underneath. It doesn’t hurt a bit, so I’ll have yet another bottle of unused vicodin in my medicine cabinet. My surgeon saw Bruce and Serena after the surgery to let them know how it went. She said she has taken out 5 nodes and they all look clear, but we’ll have to wait for the pathologist’s assessment…in about a week.

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